so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
