You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
