Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
