When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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