You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
