That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
