Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
