Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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