Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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