Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
