Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
