someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Girls should come with a carfax report
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
