Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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