Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
