Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
