can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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