Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
