Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
