Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
