i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's never too late to be topless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
