We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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