dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
