I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
