This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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