I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
