Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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