He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
