So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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