As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
