The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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