I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your cock deserves a montage
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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