Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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