if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I looked at my own cervix.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
