I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
