i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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