God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
