I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
