Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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