Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
