she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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