apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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