I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
