Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
