I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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