i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
