im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
