On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
