Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
