paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
