WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
